Chapter 6: Concerned About Lifelong Sexual Welfare!!!
Ghosts Know What I Experienced
Author: Mo Chen Huan
Translator: Aeryn
Editor: ReluctantEditor
Chapter 6
Because of his unique physique, Xi Jia could see ghosts from an early age. When he was little, he had seen a ghost hunting Celestial Master.
At the time, he was only four years old. Just like the so-called newborn calf that wouldn’t fear a tiger, he was never afraid of those treacherous and frightening ghosts. But it made his parents break their hearts. Xi Jia’s mother died early. His father found many fake Celestial Masters and spirit shamans for him, but it was all no use.1 Until he was four, a white-bearded old man gave him a jade that could suppress yin energy. That was the first time he saw a ghost hunting Celestial Master.
His memory from when he was four had long been blurred. But before his father died, Xi Jia heard his father say more than once, “That master is really friendly and modest. He gave you such a good thing, blessing you to grow up healthy, and didn’t want a single penny. Jia Jia, you have to be grateful to the master.”
Thus after nineteen years, holding onto the “ghost catching Celestial Masters were all kind people that did not eat the food of common mortals” way of thinking, Xi Jia encountered a quite unreliable Master Pei whose mouth ran like a train. He followed a quaint WeChat official account, and even saw the number one person of Xuanxue world’s younger generation come from the stars.
Pei Yu didn’t notice Xi Jia’s odd look as he started to roll the modou’s front gear. Not long after, the words that appeared in front of Xi Jia shrunk proportionally. The golden star that was suspended in the air finally fell down.
Pei Yu said, “Rolling the modou’s wheel can make the Modou Rankings bigger or smaller. The wheel is the gear at the front. Now can you see Hell King Ye’s name clearly? Your eyes are really bad. I said that the bright golden point is Hell King Ye’s name. Surprisingly, you can’t even see clearly.”
Speechless, Xi Jia said, “Then why didn’t you shrink it to the current size from the beginning and let me see his name clearly?”
Pei Yu’s expression stiffened, after a while, he laughed, “If I shrink it to this size, then you won’t be able to see my name clearly?”
Xi Jia glanced down at a location below the bright golden point.
……Wasn’t it just seventh place, who would want to see your name clearly.
Not paying attention to him anymore, Xi Jia concentrated on the gold colored name that was suspended in front of him. The golden powder continuously floated out of the modou. Within the sky, the crescent moon was already in the middle of the sky surrounded by the quiet and empty void. Below it was a star, a speck of gold colored light. There was only one name floating in mid-air—
Ye Jingzhi.
Xi Jia softly read the name. Who would of expected that when he just spoke, Pei Yu would suddenly cover his mouth, “Shh! How could you read aloud Hell King Ye’s name? What if he hears it?”
Xi Jia slightly blanked, “He’s nearby?”
“Within my master’s generation of Celestial Masters, there are several seniors where you only need to read aloud their names, and they can notice your whereabouts from a thousand miles away. Who knows how incredible Hell King Ye is, what if he is as good as his master? Then if you speak his name, wouldn’t he hear it?”
Xi Jia was startled, looking at Pei Yu, “……A thousand miles away, and could even hear someone speak their name?”
Pei Yu nodded his head as if it’s a matter of fact, “Anyways, Hell King Ye’s master could do it.”
“What if another person has the same name, then what?”
Pei Yu, “……”
“Although Ye…Master Ye’s name appears to be quite special, but of the entire Huaxia population of 1.4 billion people, there’s bound to be several people with this name. Don’t tell me, he would hear a group of people calling his name in his ear everyday?”
Imagining a bit, Master Ye was currently catching ghosts. Suddenly a bellow sounded in his ear, “Ye Jingzhi! Today, you sleep in the kitchen!” This have got to be stupid, but maybe the ghost would luckily be able to escape.
Imagining a bit more, Master Ye was currently constipated. At a critical moment, suddenly there’s someone saying in his ear, “Ye Jingzhi, do you still want me, you are too fierce tonight, I like it very much~” It must’ve gotten held back, and he might be constipated for another three days.
Actually, these kind of situations were still good. Imagining again, if Master Ye was currently doing heheheh stuff with his lover, and the two just got it on with enthusiasm.2 Master Ye was about to shoot
when suddenly there’s someone howling in his ear, “Number 32, Ye Jingzhi, enter the operating room to cut beep-skin!”3
This time he’s finished, maybe Master Ye would wither and say goodbye to his sexual life the second half of his life.
Moreover, not to mention Ye Jingzhi (叶镜之), what if people shouted Ye Jingzhi (叶静之), Ye Jingzhi (叶敬之), or Ye Jingzhi (叶竞之)……Could Master Ye hear them? Suppose you came across a good fellow with an indistinuishable syllable: Ye Jinzhi (叶近之), Ye Jinzhi (叶禁之), Ye Jinzhi (叶尽之)……Could these also be heard?
The more he thought, the more skewed his thoughts became. Recalling that handsome face of self-restraint, Xi Jia couldn’t imagine the other’s constipated or impotent appearance.
Pei Yu also never had anyone ask this type of question. He thought for a long time and still couldn’t think of an answer. He could only say with a rough voice, “Why do you care so much? Anyways don’t speak his name. If he noticed us, then we’re very much done for!”
Xi Jia nodded in silence.
The topic quickly returned to the beginning. Perhaps he didn’t want Xi Jia to ask that kind of strange question again, Pei Yu patiently explained this time, “The Modou Rankings would refresh each month as well as the Tian Gong Rankings. But Modou Rankings’ ghost kill count is updated in real-time. Therefore, you need to use a modou to count. I caught more than fifty ghosts this month. In fact, that is already a lot, an average of three per day. But Hell King Ye is different from us. One, he can innately see yin energy, and has a clear insight on demons and ghosts. Two……he is actually our Xuanxue world’s moral model.”
Xi Jia was startled, “Moral model? You would also vote on this?” Don’t tell me they would also have a 5 Merits Outstanding Student……5 Merits Outstanding Celestial Master, Outstanding Celestial Master Officer, right?!4
Pei Yu quickly shook his head, “What are you thinking, why would we vote when there’s nothing to vote for. Hell King Ye was publicly accepted as the moral model by us. Although he is especially cold and hard to reach, but he is really especially obsessed on killing ghosts. In this world, there’s a total of three types of ghosts.
The first are wandering souls. That is when they had just died not long ago, and are souls wandering in the mortal world. This type of ghost will enter reincarnation within 48 hours after death. Nothing for us to worry about.
The second are wild ghosts. After death, many people will be unable to reincarnate for an unknown reason. Some of them can’t because their predestined lifespan isn’t finished. Some of them haven’t completed their wish. Some of them just didn’t know the reason. In short, they are not evil spirits, but could roam the world.”
Xi Jia lightly nodded. He often saw these two types of ghosts. Basically he saw these kinds of ghosts everyday, but they were unlikely to harm people.
“The third type are vengeful malicious ghosts.” Pei Yu’s voice instantly lowered, “Malicious ghosts lures souls, killing to seize life. Some malicious spirits could still have reason, but only in regards to their revenge against their enemy. After successfully completing their revenge, they would go reincarnate. But for some…they murder people for no reason. Sometimes for the sake of revenge, they would harm innocent lives.”
Xi Jia looked down, “The ghosts that Celestial Masters would catch should be malicious ghosts, right?”
Pei Yu answered, “En, if it’s a malicious ghost, we will all catch it. In this world, there are too many unfair things. There’s also too many evil people. The possibility that a bad person would become a malicious ghost exceeds that of ordinary people; therefore, we wouldn’t be able to catch them all even if we wanted to. We can only try our best to do what we should do and not let them harm mortals.
The reason why Hell King Ye is called King Yama by the younger generation is because of ‘King Yama Killing Smaller Demons.’5 Four years ago, during the yin year of Hehu that was seen once in a hundred years, the Hell Gate of Fengdu opened, and 100,000 malicious ghosts flew out from within the reincarnation cycle, causing sudden chaos in the human realm.6/7 Hell King Ye broke into Fengdu with Wu Xiang Qing Li, and killed 8,461 evil spirits. From then on, he became Hell King Ye, and ranked first amongst the younger generation.”
There’s a regretful look on his fair and clean face, Pei Yu resentfully said, “Although I have always been a little afraid of Hell King Ye, but to tell you the truth, within our Xuanxue world, there are very few people like him that wouldn’t sleep or rest for 24 hours, and killed ghosts seriously. That’s why his rank on the Modou Rankings is so high. So after he saw that your yin energy was that strong, he lent you Wu Xiang Qing Li. Otherwise, there will absolutely be evil ghosts because of your yin energy, causing chaos in the secular world……hey, are you even listening to me?!”
Xi Jia’s head was lowered, stroking the bronze die on his neck. The ice cold feeling followed along his fingers, spreading throughout his heart. The elegant and pretty young man asked in a low voice, “Wu Xiang Qing Li really is that powerful?”
Pei Yu was gloomy after hearing these words. He unconfidently glanced at Wu Xiang Qing Li, saying in a small voice, “En, anyways…anyways I wouldn’t dare touch it.”
Right after these words were said, the bronze die rolled two laps in Xi Jia’s hand as if it’s saying: Terrified creature, who would want you to touch!
Suddenly Pei Yu gasped, he said, “I understand now. No wonder I couldn’t find any ghosts within Director Wang’s crew, but a lot of yin energy was there. One, it may be because your yin energy was leaking out. Two, there really was a malicious ghost, but you wore Wu Xiang Qing Li to the crew, and that malicious ghost was definitely scared away by Wu Xiang Qing Li’s baleful aura!”
The more he said, the more he felt it was the truth. Pei Yu laughed, praising himself for his quick-wittedness on this point.
Xi Jie stroked the bronze die, looking at Pei Yu with a smile yet not a smile. After a moment, he indifferently said, “Master Pei is indeed quick-witted.”
Pei Yu waved his hand, “Naturally, I am ranked seventh on the Modou Rankings after all.”
As he was talking, Pei Yu put the modou away. When he withdrew the modou, the list that was suspended in midair slowly returned to its original size. The three characters, “Ye Jingzhi,” rose back into the sky again and became a dazzling bright star. Xi Jia gazed afar at the star. Once he lowered his head, “Eh? Master Pei, how did you drop to ninth place?”
Pei Yu was alarmed. After a long while, “Fuck! Jiang Tong and Jiang Qiong, this pair of brother and sister must be killing ghosts together again! How dare they! They team up to kill ghosts every time! Half the work, twice the effect! That’s not fair at all!”
Xi Jia was not very interested in the affairs of their Xuanxue world. Seeing that the sky’s already dark, he needed to take the last bus back to S City. So he walked back to the hospital and prepared to say goodbye to Chen Tao. He only walked halfway when he heard a voice of discomfort from behind, “Xi Jia, you said before Hell King Ye went to the capital, he stayed in S City?”
Stopping his footsteps, Xi Jia turned, “En, what’s the matter?”
“The places that Hell King Ye appears at often has a lot of malicious ghosts. Now it’s the second half of March, and the competition for the Modou Rankings is very intense. I also want to go to S City. There’s definitely a lot of points…I mean, a lot of evil spirits. Since Hell King Ye went to the capital for you, then leave the malicious ghosts of S City to me. Removing evil and capturing ghosts is our, Celestial Masters’, duty, and cannot be avoided without dishonor!”
Xi Jia, “……”
Didn’t you know that your tongue just slipped?!
Anyways, when Xi Jia got on the bus back to S City, Master Pei shamelessly followed after. Along the way, Master Pei became a chatterbox, inquiring about the situation in S City the whole time. According to his statement, “In this lifetime, I’ve never been to S City. I heard it’s very pretty? Your Jiangnan water towns are definitely not bad. People also say that there’s a paradise in the heavens above, and there’s S City below. Heheheh, are there especially a lot of beauties in S City……”
Xi Jia was too lazy to pay attention to him, but listening to him talk too much was also annoying. Not waiting for Xi Jia to open his mouth, a simple bronze die suddenly flew in front of Pei Yu, shaking with an air of pure arrogance.
Charlatan Pei widened his eyes, stared at the bronze die, and didn’t dare to take a breath.
Soon after, Pei Yu obediently shrunk into the corner, not daring to say another word to Xi Jia.
It was already 1 o’clock in the morning when they arrived in S City. Pei Yu wasn’t familiar with the area, and he didn’t know where he should be going in the middle of the night. He just thickened his face and followed behind Xi Jia, getting in a taxi together.
When they arrived at the entrance to the neighborhood, Xi Jia got off the taxi. Xi Jia softly sighed, “Master Pei, are we very familiar?”
Pei Yu asked in a daze, “Are we not familiar?”
Xi Jia, “……”
Unable to get rid of this sticky candy, Xi Jia silently walked towards the neighborhood. At his side, Pei Yu was still chattering away. Just as he stepped one foot through the gate of the neighborhood, Xi Jia’s body suddenly froze and raised his head, looking at the neighborhood shrouded by the night.
He only saw the gloomy moonlight through the dense trees, barely illuminating the dark shadows in the neighborhood. The street lights on both sides of the road were covered by the leaves of the street lined trees. Only a tiny amount of light passed through the overlapping leaves and shined on the small path. The icy cold night wind blew, making people tremble. The wind caused the leaves to rustle. It was quiet and mysterious.
In the neighborhood, it’s peaceful enough to scare people.
Not one house was lit, nor did any of the residents made noise.
Slowly, Pei Yu also stopped talking. Slowly raising his head, he looked at this part of the neighborhood with a dignified expression.
The Author has something to say:
A long time later—
Xi Jia: ……Can you really hear someone shouting your name?
Ye Jingzhi: Can.
Xi Jia: Then when we are heheheh-ing, what do you do when someone shouts your name, wouldn’t you wither?!
Ye Jingzhi: ……
Translator’s Notes: I can relate to Xi Jia in this chapter.
1 灵婆 spirit shaman: literal translation is spirit/soul matron/granny, I’m leaving it as spirit shaman for now. ↵
2 Heheheh or heiheihei: Sounds of breathing/panting. Same meaning as papapa. But could also be used to indicate laughter. ↵
3 beep-skin: originally censored. It’s foreskin in case you didn’t get it. ↵
4 五好学生: 5 Merits Outstanding Student. Probs a play on 三好学生 3 merits good student: good in study/behavior/health. ↵
5 阎王杀小鬼 Hell King Killing Smaller Demons: a reference to the idiom 阎王好见，小鬼难当 which means standing in front of the King of Hell is easy, but smaller devils are difficult to deal with. ↵
6 阖户阴年 Hehu Yin Nian: I have no idea what this means…closed door yin year/yin year of Hehu? My fam got no clue too. ↵
7 酆都 Fengdu: a famous necropolis. ↵