Chapter 4 - Touch Porcelain
[t/n: Pengci is a scamming mode of playing victim and demanding compensation. Say, A was holding an 'expensive' porcelain and B was doing his own things. They crossed paths, and B somehow touched the porcelain, 'causing' it to fall and break. A made a scene, spitting out a number for B to pay. ← That is one very literal example of pengci]
Zhou Chenyu shamelessly laughed in response, "No, you don't need to. What you have, I also have. The entire set."
Yan Zhao heaved a sigh in frustration.
He had to admit defeat.
An absolute defeat.
He couldn't be bothered to care about Zhou Chenyu any longer. So, he climbed off the bed with a gloomy expression. Then he had barely switched on his phone when Weibo gave him a push notification.
…..Why, oh why was it still this lingering ghost, Zhou Chenyu?
ZhouChenYu: "Two flower vases meet each other. Which porcelain touch which? 😺'' // Role Number Two Official Weibo: "When a variety program has a xiangsheng performer and a well-known presenter swap their jobs with one another, what spark will arise from the meeting of their ‘violent mouths’? @ZhouChenYu @YanZhao"
Yan Zhao: ???
It was a thing for him to know Zhou Chenyu was fulfilling the team’s order by reposting as formality to the weibo announcement, but his caption…
Great Big Brother, forget about mocking yourself, may I know why you have to pull other people in it too?
Who wants to be a flower vase with you, hah?
Well, I knew you were joking. But are we even close?
We have clearly only known each other for a day, alright!
Not that Yan Zhao was being petty. If Zhou Chenyu had said these words privately, he wouldn’t have been bothered at all.
One thing Yan Zhao was clear of, however, was that neither he nor Zhou Chenyu had a lack of fans. The program team’s sudden pairing announcement on the previous day was sure to first shocked the fans of both sides, before each then start brooding over the other:
What should we do? Gege is going to join a variety show and hype CP with another man. We don't know how the partner is gonna be, will he scam / restrict / trap / hype / defame my Gege? Very worried, what to do?
As a variety show presenter who had been in the frontier of internet culture all along, Yan Zhao couldn't be clearer to the little thoughts those fandom little girls would have.
In this situation where neither side had shown good diplomatic relations to the public, that overly familiar weibo posted by Zhou Chenyu–plus how precisely it pointed at the sore spot of both sides–was simply…
Hating the fans for not starting up a war.
If not for Yan Zhao being aware of Zhou Chenyu's character or if it was done by another person, Yan Zhao was sure to have silently roasted them in his heart: What with this vulgar, scheming prostitute.
He sighed and silently clicked open Zhou Chenyu's weibo comment section.
Streaking past several deliberate good comments of 'Gege, fighting!' and the likes in the front, the most recent comments had sure enough been lit in flames of war.
"Speech-fucking-less. If you're so desperate to be a flower vase, you can just do it by yourself. To pull others together, you sure you're okay?"
"Huanyu TV's star performer, 23 y.o. gold-rank emcee, pleased to get you acquainted? Before calling others a flower vase, why don't you first have a look at your own accomplishment?😃"
"What accomplishment can a Flower Vase Support Gen have? The sole accomplishment of supporting an outstanding tease gen maybe, eh 😂"
"Do the Yan fans have some problem? Our little lowly xiangsheng performer wouldn't dare to touch-porcelain ur first under the heaven emcee. Beg you to let go 😬"
"Our Xiao Zhou was just cracking a joke. Can your family not be so easily poked in the lung?"
"Running to other people's weibo to cause a scene. These Yan fans' act of stirring up fight is rio nauseating 😬"
"Oh Gosh, the person in question has come himself to make connotations, fish (Yu) fans still have it on them to accuse us of stirring up a fight? Big sisters who can speak xiangsheng really are different, oh! Masters at flipping black and white, ne! 👍"
… …
Just these few comments was enough to get Yan Zhao's head spinning. The development of things was close to what he expected.
He couldn't help looking at Zhou Chenyu who was sitting in the living room. For this was someone who lacked the thing called tact, Yan Zhao thus was also too lazy to go in a circle with him. He directly asked, "Did you send the weibo yourself?"
Zhou Chenyu raised his head, full of puzzlement, "Otherwise? Could you be the one who sent it for me?"
Sure enough. It also seemed that not a single person in his team had the slightest mind to help manage his weibo.
Yan Zhao heaved a sigh, "That weibo you sent is too overfamiliar."
Zhou Chenyu laughed at that, "Is that so? That was how you called me in the lounge, though. This is to return politeness with politeness, isn't it?"
Yan Zhao didn't expect him to still be hung up on that stumble in the lounge, his heart even more speechless.
Then he heard Zhou Chenyu added, "Aren't we just joking around? Or do you really put it in your heart?"
Yan Zhao shook his head helplessly, "Whether I put it in my heart is not important. What is important is whether other people will put that in their hearts. Have you not seen those comments under your weibo post?"
"I really haven't." Hearing what he said, Zhou Chenyu then went to grab his phone, planning to have a look at the comments under his weibo.
Yan Zhao hurriedly stopped him, "Okay, okay, you don't need to look."
It was an utterly chaotic bitch fight. Not mentioning how graceless the scene was, those many messy fanspeaks had even him failing to understand.
Zhou Chenyu readily followed his advice and put down the phone, "Great. I always get a headache every time I read comments."
Yan Zhao again bowed down to continue scrolling on Weibo. Luckily it was not too long since Zhou Chenyu had sent the post, so there's but a small scale of both fans who were shooting their mouths off. If the newly announced program immediately led to a big war, that would then really be an ugly sight.
As things stand now, only if Yan Zhao personally get on the stage to collect this silly prick, Zhou Chenyu, away would the war flames, which were on the brink of ignition, can be temporarily put out.
Yan Zhao gave it a thought, then reposted Zhou Chenyu's weibo.
YanZhao: "Two-gether lah 🐶" // ZhouChenYu: "Two flower vases meet each other. Which porcelain touch which? 😺'' // Role Number Two Official Weibo: "When a variety program has a xiangsheng performer and a well-known presenter swap their jobs with one another, what spark will arise from the meeting of their ‘violent mouths’? @ZhouChenYu @YanZhao"
He was so freakishly degenerated along into doing flower vases. Nevermind that he couldn't throw a counter, yet surprise! He was still made to take initiative to accept the title and help this person to control the field.
To be paired with such a program guest, bitter was the taste of Yan Zhao's heart.
Zhou Chenyu's indifferent comment was again heard by his side, "But that is my own weibo, though? Why on earth would I care what others said?"
Sounded absolutely reasonable that Yan Zhao actually got speechless for a while.
Okay then… this silly prick wasn't worried about getting verbally attacked. But since it was a business CP, one still has to show some semblance of 'business' for it, okay!
After Yan Zhao sent his weibo, the war flames on the comment area were indeed largely put out in a flash.
However, for both people in question to be so fast in admitting relation, the fans all realized it was a matter set in stone that the two were about to be hyped into a CP. A future bigger fan war was predictably unavoidable.
Zhou Chenyu raised his head, saw the exasperation on Yan Zhao, and something finally seemed to click, "Did your fans get offended because I called you a flower vase?"
Yan Zhao sighed, "Not that your fans are less offended."
"But I was praising that you look good, though?" said Zhou Chenyu.
Looking at his very serious expression that didn't look like he was joking, Yan Zhao felt that it was simply outrageous, "You're telling me you see this 'flower vase' as a compliment?"
Let's not talk about this kind of term like 'flower vase'. Even every time there were people who praised him for his 'breathtaking beauty', it was enough to make Yan Zhao feel somewhat weird inside.
As a presenter, just having regular facial features was alright. After all is said and done, it was to rely on the mouth to make a living, and should not be relying on the looks.
The more people praised you as good-looking, the more it was one-sidedly sealed that your professional ability was in contrast not so good–at least not as good as you're attractive.
And for a xiangsheng performer, they not only have to rely on their mouth, the more important was their ability to amuse a laugh. Thus, they should have had less necessity than a presenter to save their 'idol image'. When someone whose looks were just too good like Zhou Chenyu did something wacky as a joke, it was hard not to find it not that ridiculous, and it was very easy for the comedic effect to fall apart.
Moreover, he was still a support gen. His lines were originally not much, and he was just standing there behind the table letting others see nothing but his face. Being mocked as a 'Flower Vase' was just an inevitable thing.
This was why Yan Zhao had so matter-of-factly thought that Zhou Chenyu certainly very much hated that the entire net called him as 'Flower Vase Support Gen'.
He didn't expect Zhou Chenyu to say then, "No matter as a xiangsheng performer or as a presenter, these jobs of ours were ultimately to win the lord's smile, right? We don't need to care what we're relying on, as long as the audiences are happy and you got them to like you, doesn't this precisely prove your ability?"
Yan Zhao looked at him with a bit of surprise. It was still that face filled with the noncommittal brazen smile, yet rarely did it get Yan Zhao unable to respond for a while.
Yan Zhao got into a spell of silence, then decided to get over that episode of disharmony they had so early in the morning. He had just moved over to the living room when he saw Zhou Chenyu pointed to the table with his mouth, "I've called the breakfast. It's just arrived, eat it while it's hot."
Yan Zhao got stunned, thinking that this roommate of his was quite considerate despite that somewhat infuriating mouth.
He subconsciously glanced at the table to find the pairing of soy milk and deep-fried breadsticks. As expected of an authentic born-and-raised Beijing young master, not even the place can change the taste.
Then soon he saw Zhou Chenyu take the seat in front of him, "How was it? Is this Gege enough of a dutiful wife?"
Yan Zhao gave him a look of frustration, "Can't you act like a normal person?"
Zhou Chenyu helped him ladle up a bowl of soy milk while harping on, "Such a young age but gloomy all day long. I'm just cracking some jokes with you, yet you dislike me as abnormal."
Yan Zhao sighed, "You're cracking so many jokes everyday on the stage. Do you not get tired of it?"
Just like how the best comedic actors actually suffered from clinical depression in private. People in this line of business in fact all suffered from various degrees of split personalities somewhat. On the stage, they had to always maintain their smiles and were in charge of entertaining everyone, but doing that for a long period of time was ultimately tiring. Such was why it was hard not to have different characters upon coming down, becoming introverted, lazy to talk, and dislike joining in on the fun.
It was not an ailment exclusive to Yan Zhao. The colleagues around him were basically like this too–big stars with bright smiles, lively and cheerful under cameras, but once the lens turned, immediately not even half a smile could be squeezed out.
He naturally thought a xiangsheng performer would be like this too. This Zhou Chenyu was outside of his expectation. If he was steady but naughty on the stage, then off the stage what was left was only the naughty part.
This made Yan Zhao couldn't help but doubt if his 25 years of life was spent in vain and that 15 was his actual mental age.
He then heard Zhou Chenyu say, "If even joking was too much of a bother to do in one's life, then how depressing of a life must that be."
He said this with the ends of his pair of peach blossom eyes slightly raised, revealing an indifferent, frivolous smile, which involuntarily caused a slight stir in Yan Zhao's heart.
Yan Zhao stared blankly at the person before him. There was that split of a moment where he, for the first ever, felt that this silly prick's words actually made some sense.
Author's note:Xiao Yan: Even if I had to die jumping down from here, I still wouldn't have the slightest bit of feels toward this dumbass Zhou Chenyu. [lens moved away]Xiao Yan: I won't regret saying that, I really absolutely won't.
Link to the chapter in raw.
Chapter's GlossaryGreat Big Brother, it's actually only written Eldest Brother. Beside to call the eldest in your family, it's also used to call some big bro you respect, or a boss you have to submit to.Poke in the lung, basically to be offended.Yan fans, Yu fans, denoting their respective fandoms.Fanspeak is slangs used in fandom, it's a real slang word I just learned.Idol Image, idol baggage, just how an idol is expected to always looks good and give positive vibes. (They can get really mean to idols who smoke, fight, etc.)To Win The Lord's Smile (博君一笑 bo jun yi xiao), a four-word phrase quite apparent to mean 'to get someone to smile'. It can also be used in feeling department, like making your gf/bf smiles etc. [AND, it's also one of the ship name of Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo, BJYX!]