Chapter 180 - Continuation 5: I was afraid that you will blame me
Please do not repost elsewhere and do not re-translate to other language from my English version.
“I was afraid that you will blame me!” Shui Ruoshan finally shouted out what he feared in his heart.
“Is this why you keep worrying and evading me?”
Seeing the little guy finally opened up, a gleam of light flashed in Yin Suye’s emotionless eyes, and the corner of his mouth slowly curved up to a pleasant arc. It turned out that his little guy was afraid of how he would feel, that’s why he(SRS) never dared to be honest! This shows that he has quite an important position in the little guy’s heart than he imagined, and this discovery makes Yin Suye felt very satisfied.
“Yes.”
Now that he come clean with everything, Shui Ruoshan could answer the questions without any pressures.
“I do not blame you!”
Seeing that the little guy is still anxiously waiting to be sentenced, Yin Suye quickly gave his verdict first. Although he wanted to slightly punish the little guy for hiding something from him, to make him keep this lesson in mind, but he couldn’t bear to see him(SRS) uncomfortable, so he had to compromise first. They will have a long time ahead anyway, he can always find an opportunity later on to settle accounts. But right now, the most important thing is to calm down the pessimistic little guy first.
“Actually, I …” I blame myself!
Just that Shui Ruoshan didn’t know how to say out the lower half of the sentence. In fact, the moment he knew that the [Mowu Dalu] continent was created by him, and realized that Yin Suye is a living person, he had asked himself this question countless times. If not for his personal preference that he made Yin Suye the villain and deliberately arranged such a tragic fate for him, won’t Yin Suye be able to prevent from going against his family? Because with Yin Suye’s ability that won’t lose the protagonist Huang Beichen, Yin Suye is totally capable of becoming another ‘winner in life’[1]! Unfortunately, all these assumptions were destroyed with just one decision from him(SRS)! It is precisely because of this that he always has deep guilt towards Yin Suye!
1. meaning, those people who sail smoothly down their life
“That’s not your fault!”
Even if Shui Ruoshan didn’t continue his words, Yin Suye still knew what the little guy wanted to express, so he instantly countered back. In fact, he has always felt that the little guy is particularly easy to compromise and give in to him in their interactions. Originally, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with this, because at least this shows that the little guy cares for him and will subconsciously treat him well. But as their feelings gradually deepen, the little guy’s subconscious politeness became a hindrance to further their feelings. Because their feelings were not equal, they cannot achieve equality/balance.
“But …” Shui Ruoshan frowned slightly. He disagreed with Yin Suye’s statement but didn’t know how to accurately express the conflict in his heart.
“Do you think that my misfortune was caused by your own hands, so you feel ashamed to face me?” Yin Suye really knows those habits of Shui Ruoshan.
The moment Shui Ruoshan’s facial expression changes, he will know what he wants to express before Shui Ruoshan himself. Their feelings are not equal, not because he is stronger than the little guy, but because the little guy felt guilty towards him.
“Yes.” Shui Ruoshan nodded slightly.
“Then I can tell you this now, I don’t need your guilt!” Yin Suye’s tone became extremely powerful all of a sudden. “I just need you to love me. I don’t need any other feelings than love!”
Yin Suye knows very well that it is precisely because the little guy always feels guilty toward him that the relationship between the two of them cannot be pure[2] and progress further! Right from the start, he only needs the little guy to love him. Other useless feelings are not necessary at all. The little guy belongs to him! So all the feelings from the little guy must belong to him as well! And his unknown feeling of guilt towards him, although Yin Suye didn’t need it, he has no effective way to eliminate it for the moment. That’s why he took this opportunity when the little guy confessed his wrongs to eliminate all obstacles in one fell swoop! Even though he knew that his indulgence would make the little guy uneasy at first, he held back the urge to appease the little guy.
2. just love and nothing else
“Sorry!” Shui Ruoshan pursed his lips and weakly apologized. He knew that he was wrong, but he also didn’t know what was wrong?
“Don‘t say sorry, it’s fine as long as you throw away the unnecessary burden in your heart!” Obviously, Yin Suye regarded Shui Ruoshan’s guilt to him as a burden. “I don’t want other relationships between us besides love!”
Yin Suye knows that he has always been a very overbearing person, especially towards the things he cares about, that strong possessiveness would become even stronger. Therefore, his desire to control the little guy is getting more and more serious to the point of being extreme, that even his(SRS) emotions are not allowed to be impure. As long as Yin Suye feel even a little dissatisfaction with anything, he will have the urge to destroy it. He is just this dark, to the point that he cannot be saved anymore!
“If you keep on feeling guilty, that would be the greatest regret towards our feelings!”
Yin Suye seemed to feel that he can’t express his meaning clear enough, so he thought for a while and emphasized his feelings again. The feeling of guilt will not only hurts him but will also hinder their feelings!
Raw Word Count : 1756
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Banana: It seems that the method kinda works? But I’m not too sure, need to do another one with this Google’s OCR method to double confirm. Thanks for reading~!