I don’t know what was just right in this world, I just didn’t want to disappoint or be disappointed. I won’t retreat when it’s time to hug and I definitely won’t cry when it’s time to laugh. ——An Yu Sheng.
I was a rebellious person since I was young. Before my big brother died for me, I hated him a bit.
Or it couldn’t be considered a ‘bit’, I hated him quite a bit.
He was the male lead when he was born and he definitely won the lottery when it came to drawing lots.
As for me…..I grabbed the consolation prize.
It was probably since that day that the fate of me and my big brother had different paths.
He was destined to become a dazzling person and I was destined to accomplish nothing.
There were many love letters for him at school, although there weren’t few that were given to me.
But he was different from me. He was the perfect student in the eyes of the teachers and the perfect male god in the eyes of the female students.
As for me, I just looked handsome and a bit rebellious.
I liked hearing the sound of a knife cutting through skin and when it cut through the blood vessels.
No one in this world understood me, they called me rebellious and defiant.
Only my big brother understood me. He knew that I just wanted the attention of my parents.
Even if they didn’t always look at me, just a bit…..was enough.
But it was a pity that they never spared a glance for me.
They even allowed me, who was younger than ten to stay out at night, never sending anyone to find me.
I was the shame of the An Family, the descendant they didn’t want to recognize.
Big brother died that they looked at my existence.
Although what they said in the first month was just too hard to hear.
“Why didn’t you die?”
“You should go to hell instead of your big brother!”
“What is the meaning of you living, you should also die!”
“Die, die, at least that way your big brother won’t be alone.”
These weeping words filled my ears every day and no one knew that I felt worse than any of them.
Because An Liang Sheng was the only person in this world who loved me.
The toys I didn’t get, the love I didn’t get.
He used his status as my big brother to fill the void in my life.
I hated everything about him while also loving everything about him.
When he died, it proved that there was no one in this world who loved me.
I didn’t know what it meant to be alive, but…...the words he said to me before he died were branded in my mind.
“Ah Sheng, you have to live…..live…...live…..for me.”
The name ‘Ah Sheng’ was the nickname he liked calling me by.
My parents always called me with my first name,
‘An Yu Sheng’, those were the three words I hated the most.
But even so, even if there was no hope for me living in this world, I still lived.
For big brother, for another An Liang Sheng to live in this world, I did my best to live.
Moreover, I lived quite well.
In just half a year, I went from being rebellious to being good. My studies weren’t from being last to being first in the year.
It had to be said, when it came to studying, I had some talent.
It was like how some people were suited for running, some people were suited for swimming, some people were suited for playing music.
I was suited for studying.